• Love and Other Search Terms

    There was a time (that was entirely too recent) when I googled, “how do you know you’re in love?” I have always been one to do my research. So, “love” went into the search bar just like “best whiskey bars in SF,” or “common prepositional phrases,” also “Oprah’s hair last 22 years – video.” It

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  • Learning to Date by Dating

    I’ve been working hard to be open. Open and kind. Open and smart. Open, vulnerable, strong, and honest. Open, with a fence, with a gate, a few keys, and a padlock. It is the most incredibly uncomfortable and terrifying thing, while simultaneously having all of the magic of the Divine wrapped into it. In short,

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  • Hope from the Sea

    “Patience, patience, patience, is what the sea teaches. Patience and faith. One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach—waiting for a gift from the sea.” ― Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea It’s amazing how moments of sand and water bring clarity into an otherwise anxious life. I drove to the beach a

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  • Open Heart, Big Effing Fence

    “Protect your heart so that you can keep it wide open.” Danielle LaPorte Open Heart, Big Fucking Fence. I have said those words over, and over, and over again since I read them. Open Heart, Big Fucking Fence. I have written them down on pages. I see them in the air when I say that

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  • Being Present & Planned Spontaneity

    I get this feeling when walking around graveyards–a sense that we might do, and be, and conquer, but in the end we will still die. Death has a way of leveling the playing field. And while facing my tiny existence can be depressing, it’s also liberating. I mean, I worry and stress and try to control almost everything. And it really

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  • Dating & Not Dating & Being Okay

    I dated, then I didn’t, then I sort of did, then I completely did, and I currently am. I can count on one hand the people who have had front row seats into the mess of me during this time of life. They tell me it’s been a fun ride. This whole dating thing—the saying yes,

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  • Everything on a Tuesday

    I try to stop more, to appreciate the day, let myself unwind. And today was hard–the crappy, ugly kind. It was the type that I’d rather do without and try to bury deep into yesterday. It was tears on a weeknight, and a dinner to keep, and everything just seemed to be not-right in the

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  • Writing in the Presence of Fear

    It’s been two years, or a little over, now. Two years since I left something that almost ruined me, in every sense of the word. It was a departure from the type of bad that crumbles mountains of goodwill, spins love into fear, and lets that bone-chilling loneliness settle in. It was the type of

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  • 10 Things I’ve Learned About Dating

    If you know me and my dating history, the fact that this post has materialized is nothing short of a miracle. I’ve learned some shit, guys. Some days my friends can’t even tell I was home-schooled.* 1) People will always complain about the dating scene. Always. No one I know loves the dating scene in

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  • Dear You

    I was describing you to someone, even though I barely know you. I have my ideas about you of course, my deductions and hypothesis, filling in the gaps where there are still questions to ask. The assumptions  are not quite on purpose, but rather a result of a wandering mind, trying to piece together the

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  • The Great Change of 2011

    My answer to the question How are you doing? was officially I’m doing pretty well, all things considered. My answer to Are you staying in Seattle? was Not right now. I’m taking a life sabbatical. I’ll be in California if you need me. I told myself that it was okay to not have a home

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  • The Friend Who Saved Me

    I was looking at a picture I have from me in Paris and thought of you. I want to say thank you again… Thank you for being you, for being my friend, for loving unconditionally. My story may eventually save someone’s life, but please know that you already saved mine. And if you ever ever

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